Lately I have been less enthusiastic in life generally. I used to have so much passion for the things I do. I wonder, where does the passion come from, and if it ever diminishes, what may be the reason?
During the first year of dental school I remember absorbing everything like a sponge, did some extra reading and making pretty notes. Even buying stationaries was a weekly thing!
If we rewind further back when I still had my previous blog, I recall my posts very expressive and witty and burning with passion that when I re-read them, I can actually imagine the animated version of myself. I had a lot to say about things! Is this what growing up feels? All serious and dull? Losing interest? Not having that "fire" in life anymore? If it is, I don't want any part of it.
It's not that I don't like what I'm doing. I love them to bits. I still love basketball, I love Dentistry (although it's sucking the life out of me), I loved and STILL love writing. I used to have so many notebooks and journals and diaries (as a by-product of spending too much time at stationary shops!), but somehow words don't come to me as easy as it used to be before. I find it also hard to get myself to study and absorb. MOTIVATION PLS COME.
Here's an excerpt from a UCLA dental student's blog. You can read the full blog post here.
The thing about dental school is that if you do it the wrong way (and believe me, there are many ways to do it wrong) - your happiness fades very quickly. I know I'm not alone when I say that D2 really wears you down. When I went back home for break, my sister jokingly said to me "Rach, what's wrong? It kinda seems like you lost your sparkle" - and in that moment, I knew exactly what she meant. She was able to pinpoint my main struggle in dental school - the ability to maintain my happiness and sanity during a time when everything just felt too overwhelming.
I'd gotten to a point where my entire life revolved around dentistry and every day was the same - breathe, sleep (very little) and live dentistry. Up until my sister pointed this out to me - I didn't realize that I'd become so serious. I didn't notice how it had become so difficult for me to laugh about anything - few things were ever funny enough to make me smile. I would respond to jokes a little too sensitively, and spend my hours brooding.
Currently I suck in Conservative Dentistry (in the sim lab), well I have my good days but they are countable. Setbacks are NOT supposed to bring me down, it never had before so why now? I feel so demotivated cause it's so hard to get a good mark for my restorations that I'll settle for a 2 out of 3. If the old Jasmine was around, she'd work her arse off to get a 3. (maybe even a 3+, if it's possible lol)
p/s: My 2nd Professional Examination is creeping its way to me in approx 2 months and I need to get my shit together. Please pray for me ! Bismillah.
xx
Youll do fine
ReplyDeleteThanks for believing in me <3
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